Chasing Desire Read online

  All the women laugh and I scream for them to stop, but they won’t.

  I sit up, breathing hard, and look frantically around the room. It’s empty. No one is here but me. I climb out of bed, rubbing my forehead, and walk to the kitchen. After checking that my front door is locked, I pour myself a glass of water. Fuck. That was something else.

  Looking at the clock on the wall, I decide to call Dan. I grab my phone and dial his number.

  “Hey, Bray. What’s up, man?”

  “You busy?”

  “Nah, I was watching a movie with Kelly, but she fell asleep so I’m just finishing it off.”

  “I just had this crazy dream. This woman was sitting on my bed and she told me we had sex and she was pregnant. She said she was moving in and I had to take care of her. Then all these other women were there and they were pregnant, too, and laughing at me. It was fucked up.”

  Dan laughs. “Yeah, that is fucked. I guess you know that your subconscious is trying to tell you something.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like you’re a player and eventually it’s going to bite you in the ass. You’ve been lucky none of these chicks have ever gone postal on you.”

  “That’s true,” I say, contemplating his words. “What am I supposed to do with this information?”

  “You could do a few things. Ignore it and keep doing what you’re doing, hoping your luck never runs out. You could swing to the other side and give up women, or you could try to clean up your act a little and focus on meeting a nice girl who could actually be a partner in life instead of just a fuck buddy.”

  “I don’t feel ready to settle down.”

  “Then you shouldn’t, but a dream like that says something is bothering you. It may be deep down inside, but it’s there. Either that or you just had a premonition, in which case you better watch your back.” Dan laughs.

  “Ha, ha. Very funny. It’s so easy for you to give advice. You met Kelly and knew she was the one. I’ve never had that feeling.”

  “How would you know? You go from ‘hello’ to ‘let me shove my cock in you’ in ten minutes flat. Any girl who says yes to that is not the girl you want to be with, but then you don’t really give anyone else a chance. When was the last time you had a date and just talked with a woman? Have you ever dropped a girl off with a kiss and nothing else?”

  “I don’t even know. It’s been a long time.”

  “Your problem is that you believe your own hype.”

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “Alright, let me break it down. You’re at the top of your game right now. You’ve got the money and the job, the looks. Women are into you. You walk around the office like the stud you are and women throw themselves at you. You don’t even look for a challenge anymore. You’re all about the kill, whether it’s an ad campaign or new blood. You don’t take time to get to know women, court them, or see if there is any substance there. I would venture that you wouldn’t even know what you wanted in a woman if asked.”

  “I don’t want anything in a woman other than a hot ass and a warm pussy.”

  “Now you just sound like a pig. I know you don’t mean that, though. You say shit like that to avoid dealing with the truth.”

  “Oh, okay, doctor. Thanks for the free psychoanalysis. Anything else you want to point out?”

  “Hey, you called me. This dream you had is trying to tell you something. Maybe you need to take a step back and evaluate your choices, especially when it comes to how you treat women.”

  “Yeah, maybe.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  “I hear you.” I release a heavy sigh. “I’m going surfing in the morning if you want to join me.”

  “Can’t. I’m going with Kelly to pick up her sister at the airport.”

  “That sounds awesome,” I say with pure sarcasm.

  “Hey, talk your shit, but right now, Kelly is curled up in my lap sleeping softly. When I got home today, she made dinner for us and we talked about our week. Then we took a shower and I made slow, leisurely love to her, without a condom, I might add, in the bedroom we share. I get to wake up next to her beautiful face tomorrow morning. Running to the airport for her is a fair trade for all that.”

  “You made your point, Dan.”

  “I hope I did, man.”

  “Thanks for talking.”

  “See ya.”

  I hang up and plop down on my couch. I don’t want to admit it, but everything Dan said is true. So how do I go from player to respectable guy? Is it just something I can turn off because I want to? Do I want to?

  I’m too tired to think about it anymore and decide to go back to bed. Hopefully, I won’t have any more visitors, even if they are imagined, and I can get some rest.

  I wake to the sound of New Age music playing outdoors and I know it’s my neighbor. It’s quiet, but it’s his routine on Saturday morning. He’s out there on his balcony doing some weird ass yoga poses. He insists it keeps him young and flexible. Who am I to say? The guy is in amazing shape.

  I pad into the kitchen to make coffee when my dream from last night comes back to me. It’s actually pretty funny. I hope that I am never in a position of facing an unplanned pregnancy. Or a planned one, for that matter. I can’t even imagine intentionally wanting a child at this point in my life. Granted, I’m not as young as I used to be, but I’m not old either. There’s plenty of time for all that. For now, I think I just need to slow things down a bit. Maybe I could try getting to know someone before I take her to bed. It could be fun. At least that’s what people keep telling me.

  Stepping out on my balcony, I wave to Josh and sip my coffee, staring out at the cool, blue ocean as the sun begins to fill the sky. Another beautiful Southern California day. The waves crash and I can hear them calling my name from here.

  I head out the door to start my day, thankful that I’m just a short drive over to the beach. When I get there, I pull on my wet suit, grab my board, and head into the brisk water. The water exhilarates me. Each moment I spend here renews me, washes away any stress and worry, and makes me feel alive. I will always need to be near the ocean. It keeps me sane.

  A few hours later, I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist. I normally look forward to my dates, whoever the girl is. It’s always a good time- sometimes a little dinner, a few drinks, then sexy time back at their place. Right now, for whatever reason, I’m sort of dreading it. Something is definitely wrong with me.

  I quickly dress in my favorite pair of jeans and black, cashmere sweater. Looking in my mirror, I’m satisfied with my appearance.

  I grab my keys off the table and head out to see Denise. Hopefully, once I see her my mood will start to improve. Climbing into my car, I turn the radio up, blaring Eminem as I drive. Twenty minutes later, I pull up in front of Denise’s place and park. I ring the bell and wait.

  When she opens the door, she invites me in for a minute. Man, she looks amazing tonight. She’s wearing a black dress that hugs every curve she has, and she has quite a few. Denise isn’t as thin as I usually prefer, but there is something about the way she carries herself that I find incredibly sexy. Her brown hair is curled tonight and falls long and silky down her back. She’s been out in the sun judging from her perfectly tanned skin. Her blue eyes are as a bright as the sky on a clear day. She’s a knockout.

  “Good to see you, Brayden,” she says as we walk out to my car.

  “Yeah, you, too. You look great.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You hungry?”

  “Hungry enough.”

  “How ya been?” I ask, opening the car door for her.

  “Pretty good. Work is busy. I definitely need to blow off some steam.”

  I climb in the car next to her and she leans over and rubs my thigh. I smile in response even though I’m still not feeling it. My mojo is off tonight.

  “How have you been? It’s been a while,” she says.

  “Yeah, I know. I’m busy, t
oo. I have a lot going on at work.”

  “Well, I’m glad I could be squeezed onto the social calendar.” She laughs.

  I smile and continue driving, thankful when we get to our destination. The restaurant is right on the beach. The seafood is fresh and the atmosphere is trendy but comfortable. I pull up to valet and step out of the car as the attendant opens the door for Denise.

  Walking inside, I ask the hostess for a table near the water. Denise sits down and places the napkin in her lap.

  “What’s up with you tonight?” she asks. “You seem a little quiet.”

  “Do I? I guess I’m just a little tired coming off a busy week. I landed a big account yesterday.”

  “Congrats. We should toast to that.”

  “Definitely.”

  The waitress comes and takes our drink orders. We have meaningless dialogue and I realize I am really bored right now. I just want to get to the end of this evening. Our saké is delivered and after a brief toast, I take a drink while Denise downs hers. This is pretty normal for her. I wave to the waitress to take our order.

  “I can’t wait to get my hands on you later,” Denise says, licking her lips.

  “Is that so?”

  “Yep. I got waxed, just the way you like it.”

  “Thanks.” It’s funny to me that we only talk about sex and how she is positive that’s how the night will end with us. Of course, it is. It’s what we do. The only reason we are even eating dinner first is because I canceled on her last night. Otherwise, I would’ve gone to her place, peeled her clothes off, fucked the shit out of her, and said goodbye. Now I have to sit through dinner making stupid small talk.

  Our sushi rolls are finally delivered. Glancing at my watch, I hope we can get out of here in the next hour and I can be home by ten or eleven. I pour some soy sauce in my little dish and decide to set the tone for the evening.

  “I’m glad you could hang out with me tonight, but I can’t stay out late.”

  “Why? Do you have someone else coming over tonight?”

  Really? “No, of course not. I’m just really tired from the week.”

  “Okay, but you are coming over, right?”

  “Yeah, totally. I just can’t stay all night.”

  “I get it.” She stuffs a California roll in her mouth. “I only need about twenty minutes, anyway.”

  “I’ve got twenty minutes.”

  “Good.” She sucks down another drink while I continue to sip mine. Not only am I driving, but I want to keep my head straight tonight. I only drink a lot when I don’t need to drive.

  A short time later, I motion for the check and we head outside after I pay it. As we drive back to Denise’s place, she leans over, running her hands all over me every chance she gets.

  “Keep your seat belt on, Denise.”

  “I’ll be fine,” she says, slurring her words slightly.

  I pull into her driveway. I’m even less in the mood than I was, but I’ll just go in and get this over with. We go inside and I plop down on her couch, while she turns on the stereo. I’m surprised when she comes out of the kitchen holding another drink.

  “Do want something to drink?”

  “No, I’m good. Why don’t you come over here and sit down?”

  “Okay.” She stands in front of me and starts what I can only assume is a strip tease. It’s a slow dance of some kind and she’s swaying a little too much from all the alcohol she’s had. She starts to pull the dress she’s wearing off so I lean back and try to enjoy the show. When she gets down to her bra and panties, she gets on her knees in front of me and starts to tug at my belt. I help her along and unbutton my jeans.

  Denise pulls my dick out of my boxers, which hasn’t quite figured out that something good is about to happen to him. She lowers her mouth over me and he starts to come to life. Okay, things are heating up now. I pump my hips slowly up and down in her mouth, enjoying the warmth and sucking sensation. It feels pretty amazing. She digs her fingers into my thighs and attempts to get every inch of me down her throat. I’m loving the fuck out of this until Denise gags. I open my eyes and can’t fucking believe what’s just happened.

  “What the fuck?!” I jump up, knocking her backwards as she continues to vomit all over her living room floor. “Shit!” I practically fall over as I try to get to the kitchen for some paper towels. I can’t even deal with how disgusting this is. She threw up on my fucking cock! Hobbling all the way, I manage to get several towels wet and wipe myself clean as best I can. I pull my jeans up and button them, and then return to the living room to help Denise.

  When I get there, she is on her hands and knees moaning.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No.”

  “Come on, let me help you up.”

  “No.” I realize from her voice she is crying.

  “What’s the matter?”

  “What’s the matter?” she repeats, looking up at me. “I just threw up all over you and myself. I feel like shit and I’m definitely not getting laid now.”

  “Don’t worry about all that. Let’s just get you to bed so you can sleep it off.”

  “Okay.”

  I pick her up and she lies against me, which only grosses me out even more. I help her down the hall to her bathroom and find her a towel to clean up with. Then I put her into bed. She lies down, still whimpering a little, but calmed considerably.

  “I’ll call you tomorrow to make sure you’re okay, alright?” I say, softly.

  “Will you really, Brayden? Will you?”

  “Yeah, sure.”

  “I don’t believe you. I bet I’ll never see you again.”

  “Come on, Denise. We’ll see each other again. Just get some rest, okay?”

  “Okay.” She pulls the sheet up over her. “I’m really sorry.”

  “It’s cool.” It’s not at all cool and she’s right- she’s never seeing me again. “I’ll lock the door on my way out.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Yeah, no problem.”

  I happily get the hell out of there. I will have to burn this sweater and maybe the jeans, too. Getting back in my car, I put the top down so I can air out a little. There is honestly nothing worse than the smell of vomit. Saké and sushi? Ugh. The only thing possibly worse is shit. Either way, I don’t want it on me.

  Pulling into the parking garage, I head up to my apartment as quickly as possible. I don’t make small talk with Gretchen tonight. I just want to get inside and in the shower to rid myself of the stench. I start the water then peel out of the clothes, throwing them in a pile on the floor. Stepping into the shower, I finally start to relax as the steamy, hot water washes over me. Poor Denise. She was doing so well, too.

  After my shower, I towel off and pad into my bedroom. Plopping down on the bed, I lay peacefully, enjoying the silence of my room. The feel of the crisp sheets against my skin and the slight breeze provided by the ceiling fan relax me. I decide to open the sliding glass door to the balcony and let in the cool night air.

  I should’ve just stayed in tonight. Climbing back into bed, I slide my body between the sheets and flick on the TV to find a movie to watch until I fall asleep.

  In the morning, the sound of ocean waves crashing wakes me and I pull the blankets over my head. It’s cold and I forgot to close the damn door. Reluctantly, I get up, butt naked, and run across the bedroom to close the sliding door. I usually don’t turn the heat on this time of year, but I’m freezing my balls off. I walk down the hallway and flip the switch for the heat. It would probably help if I put some clothes on. I hate wearing them at home, but I’ll make an exception today. Back in my bedroom, I pull on some sweatpants and a T-shirt before heading into the kitchen to get some coffee.

  Even though last night was a disaster, I start laughing when I think about it. She choked on my cock. How fucking funny is that?! She’s probably horrified today. I send her a quick, ‘hope you’re okay’ text and go about my day.

  Sinking into the couch, I sip my cof
fee and flip the TV on to channel surf until I land on a sporting event of some kind. I pick up my laptop to check some emails. There is always work to do. Always more research to find on the competition. In fact, I’ll think I’ll check in on what’s happening at The Christiansen Agency.

  I search their website and peruse the information. They are definitely trying to update their image and go for a younger, hipper demographic. Even from their website, it seems they are just trying too hard. Trendy is cool and all, but being flexible to the client is what got me the contract away from them on Friday.

  I click on their staff page and read everyone’s bio. In the middle of the page is a stunning beauty named Mackenzie Reed. She has striking green eyes, pale skin, and deep copper colored hair. I’m immediately entranced by her beauty and the confidence that comes through the screen. Now that’s a girl I would love to meet, and by meet, I mean spread her legs and nail her. Mmm. She’s the enemy, though, so it will never happen. Unless of course I get her alone at an industry meeting. You never know.

  After staring at her for way too long, I go back to the internet and start searching for beauty product commercials. Just the way I like to spend my Sunday.

  Sitting at my desk, I can’t stop thinking about the red haired beauty I saw on Christiansen’s website yesterday. There is something about her that really stuck with me. I type in the web address again and gaze at her photo. She’s not just beautiful. No, it’s more than that. I’m captivated by a woman I’ve never seen in person.

  My phone rings, snapping me out of my redhead fueled fantasy.

  “Hey, sis,” I answer. “What’s going on?”

  “I need your help.”

  “Sure. What’s going on?”

  “My friend from college is coming into town tonight and I don’t get off work in time to pick her up from the airport. Can you do it for me? Please?” she asks in her pleading voice she knows always gets a yes.